This topic is very controversial for many parents. Is letting your child sleep with you okay? When to start sleep training? What are the different types of sleep training? Which one would work best for you and your child? Does letting your child sleep with you mean that that’s how it’s going to be for the long haul? Does co sleeping mean you have failed?
I have pondered through these questions many times and wonder if my choices were the right ones for us. Now I do let Lincoln sleep with me. Personally I don’t co-sleeping but I do see value in both. Which also means that we have begun and paused our own ways of sleep training.
A lot of parents I know/heard from are very against co-sleeping. Which I fully understand like I have my regrets when I’m punched in the face or I feel like I’m being pushed off the bed. Or when I’d rather be alone for the night. Sometimes I feel like it also takes away Lincoln’s chance to learn independence. What if he is never able to fall asleep and stay asleep on his own? Does that make me at fault?
At the end of the day I stand by my choices. Like I said I feel that there is nothing wrong with having Lincoln sleep with me. If anything it’s brought us closer. I always saw myself as incapable of becoming a good mother. Afraid that I wouldn’t be able to connect with my child in a way that showed I do love him and would always be there for him. But this has bonded us. I’ve also found that babies are pretty smart. If Lincoln feels safe with me then it’s a good thing that he trusts me to help him sleep.
When it comes to sleep training, I have researched and asked others what I should do. A majority of the answers are to let him cry it out. But my heart can’t take that. Not to be dramatic but it literally breaks my heart if it’s been long enough.
So recently I was at a job interview. And this particular employer is also a mother. She is also pro co-sleep which was so nice to hear honestly. But something that she said that gave me a new perspective was that babies can’t speak real words yet. The only real form of communication they have is to cry. And it’s our job to be there for them, to figure out why they’re crying. Even if it’s nothing serious, it still matters. It’s important to them. And you are their person. Their safe place. Someone who tries to understand them at any point.
That is her opinion and others may not agree but I believe it to be true. I agree 100%. Lincoln may wake up and cry for the sake of my attention but for him to just not feel comfortable enough to sleep alone/put himself back to sleep is still a valid reason. Put yourself in his shoes and you wake up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep. We may not have someone willing to help us get back to sleep and if you do they’re most likely asleep so we wouldn’t want to disturb them. But babies don’t know that they’re interrupting your sleep. Even kids don’t fully understand that mom and dad need sleep too. To them you’re all powerful. Capable of anything. But in that moment, they just know that they need you. and so it’s natural instinct for them to cry out for you.
In terms of sleep training we have been doing the put back method. Not sure if that’s actually a method but he falls asleep with me, I put him in his crib and when he wakes up, I either soothe him in his crib or he falls back asleep with me and I put him back in the crib. Not the most effective method and we have been on and off with it for months due to being sick or I’m feeling extra tired. One thing I’ve learned/read in my research though is that babies should fall asleep in their crib on their own like put them down drowsy. Now Lincoln is capable of falling asleep on his own. I don’t need to rock him. He has just gotten used to laying next to me to do that though. He knows he is strictly on his own in his crib.
If this process becomes successful I may try to go back and put him in his crib while drowsy instead of asleep but for now baby steps. We are starting small and the goal is consistently. I’m hoping that once he’s comfortable in his crib he won’t feel like he needs me as much. I’m still right here whenever he needs me though. Also if he sees that each time he wakes up (typically twice) he sees that he’s put back in the crib, then he will see that this is serious.
It hurts to attempt sleep training in general mainly because our current sleep situation has helped us bond but also sleeping training would be very helpful. I see it as helping him become independent. It would provide him with ways to self soothe. I mean that’s beneficial when you’re an adult too. Figuring out what helps you to sleep. This could also help him get excited for just being in his own room, for bedtime in general. Creating a very comfortable setting so that he is not disturbed and can sleep through the night.
That is also a benefit for us parents too. Maybe we can sleep through the night as well. Don’t know if that’s actually possible but waking up once or twice for us is better than being repeatedly woken up by movements from tossing and turning, baby sounds (other than crying) or the feeling of either of you getting too close to the edge of the bed. In general this could help us sleep better individually but also don’t want to lose that special bond we’ve created.
One things for sure is that every parent is different. We all have differing opinions and certain things may not work for you like it did for someone else.
Every child is also different. Some parents are blessed with good sleepers from the beginning. As in they may not need to sleep train or the process is just easier for them. That’s also why theres so many methods to sleep training. One size fits all most likely won’t work. Lincoln is also not the best sleeper in general. He’s very restless. He usually tosses and turns before he’s out. And if I’m still awake I can tell when he’s about to wake up because the tossing and turning starts up again.
Point is that I spent a lot of time worried if I made a mistake in co-sleeping. Wondered if it was too late to begin sleep training. And feel defeated when we need to start over the process because consistency is super important. I’m at a point where I don’t want to be stressed or nervous if this is going to work out for us. Eventually it will. I’m sure it will but also it’s going to take some time. So when the day comes when we’re both sleeping on our own I’ll let you know. And any other sleep related lessons along the way.
In the meantime I’ll see you in my next post
-L
Sincerely Salty Hair 